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September 26, 2023

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War and Peace: A Chica Lishis Treatise On The Power Of Music, or, Bite Me. I'm Cold.
By: ChicaLishis

So, yeah, I tried to execute this same anti-war demonstration as these California girls pulled off in November, but the only other person I could round up to get naked with was my next door neighbor. Unfortunately, every time we tried to make the E, we just ended up having sex in the backyard instead.

I feel bad about not effectively protesting the whole war thing, but the sex was great.

Like most Amerimaniacs, I am an ill-informed slacker, with a mere two degrees of separation from my red-necker roots. (Degree #1 - I have all my own teeth. Degree #2 - I am only a nominal good shot and usually miss the squirrel/dinner.) I honestly don't know if we should be heading over to Iraq and kicking Saddam's ass or not. Well, probably not his ass, but a few hundred thousand of his subject's asses in an effort to hurt him. (By "asses" I don't mean donkeys. I don't know if Iraq has a big donkey-owning population, but I want to be clear to you, my loyal readers, as to what exactly I'm referring to. You may translate my use of the term "asses" to mean blowing "human butts" to bits.) Anywho, my liquor-addled brain has been weighing the consequences of war as I see them: Do I want oil and nice warm toes this winter? Or, do I wish these foreigners relief from the worry of being bombed? Hmmmm. Warm toes? Barbequed foreigners? Warm toes? Barbequed foreigners? I tell 'ya kids, a big part of me really likes having warm toes.

But, I guess I'd have to go with the humanitarian response and say "Gee, I would rather complete strangers, who may or may not be working on biological weapons to gas myself and my loved ones with, should be able to sleep safely at night without the threat of being bombed to kingdom come, so, I guess, I'll vote for PEACE."

Now, I'm thinking that part of Saddam and the President problem is that they aren't listening to enough excellent, peace-inducing music, like myself. I've been poking around the internet a bit (actually, that's about all I do, really) and I've found a few selections that I think someone should pony up the cash for and send those two wacky dictators.

I predict the world will be a better place if we all listen to the wise counsel of the Theatre Group and their groovin' new disc, Shalom Salaam (or Who's Your Father?). Now, I've never heard the term Shalom Salaam, but I am super familiar with the question "Who's your father?" as it comes up time and time again in my paternity suits. But that's neither here nor hear. The Theatre Group, from the Tel-Aviv Community Theatre, have taken it upon themselves to make peace between those grumpy Jews and pesky Arabs by recording a musical that will help heal the wounds of the Holy Land. The disk is a rollicking romp of racial misunderstandings, deep seated hatred and ardent pleas for everyone to "just get along." This isn't exactly the reason why Bush is so darn pissed off at Saddam (or is it? I can't keep track), but if these warring factions can get together and make a peaceful noise, why can't George and Saddam? No down in the mouth leader of the free world can resist the comedic charm of "Holy Cave"; two girl-friends, one Jew one Arab, singing about the ongoing strife surrounding the Hebron Cave. The dialogue tracks are equally mind-blowing, pitting a bitchy Jewish shopkeeper against an indignant Arab businessman, with acting abilities on display to rival the best of any 2-bit traveling puppet show. But the real gem here is "The Peace Song." The chorus rings out with the universal truths of humanity: "Cause all the people, wants to be happy, wants to make children, and want to live!" It's brilliant. Brilliantly peaceful.

My second recommendation to further world peace, besides me and my neighbor having more back-yard sex, is Joey Welz's powerful new CD, No Fear Of Evil Have I - Songs Against Terrorism For World Peace. Joey, a former member of Bill Haley's Comets, outdoes his abnormally prolific Casio-inspired songwriting with not just 21 tracks of pure crap, but 21 tracks of pure crap about the current crisis facing our country! And, ladies and gentlemen, Joey is RIGHT ON. If the title track, "No Fear Of Evil Have I" can't convince you that his insight on terrorism should have him running the Home Office of Securing Secret Stuff from Private Individuals, or whatever the hell their calling it, then "What's Up With That" should have you creaming your panties to get Joey as your number one choice for elected official. If Saddam and Bush spent one hour locked in a room with Joey and his musical wisdom concerning these dark days, I have no doubt they would emerge with much more to fear than each other.

My final selection is the effervescent musical styling of BJ Snowden's new hit single "Conspiracy." BJ doesn't address terrorism per se; she's battling a workplace situation fraught with tension and angst. So, what does Miss Snowden do about it? Instead of secretly poisoning the office coffee with her own urine like I did, she has made musical magic, expressing her fears, working through her anger, and finally, finding closure in the power of song. And best of all, nobody had to die. Are you listening power-hungry mad men?

Music can change the world. For instance, after listening to these selections, you may be on your way to douse your eardrums in gasoline and strike a match near your temple, because... you've never heard anything so beautiful. Now, imagine a world where, through the power of song, we could induce deranged and uppity world leaders to do the same, thus leaving us to our own shambling pursuits of happiness, and tiny toes toasty warm through the magic of oil.

All best,

BTW - You can find all of these selections available to purchase at CD Baby just in time for the holidays. They carry a shit-load of indie artist, not all of whom are as uh... unique... as the ones I have presented here.

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