Interview with the whole band
By: Crystofer Paules
"I am sitting, and I am waiting. And I am burning hot from the golden rock in the sky. I don't know how much longer I can take this. My skin is starting to melt, my soul is starting to boil. Let's get on with this interview."
-Zac Eldredge, on top of Mt. Hood prior to our interview.
On a bright winter's day atop Mt. Hood, at the annual KNRK snowjob. In Music We Trust had the opportunity to speak with some of the members of Zebrahead. Imagine babysitting five kids on Ritalin and you might get an idea of their music, explosive live show, and personalities. Here is what transpired.
IMWT: In Music We Trust, we're here with...
Justin: Uhhhhh, Zebrahead I think. And uh, wait.. hold on. Zebrahead is here and we also have Shania Twain!!
Ben: We have Punk Rock Dave too!!
Justin: Punk Rock Dave from Oregon.
Ben: That's Ali, this is Justin, Shania... and I'm Ben.
IMWT: What do you guys want to accomplish with your most recent album?
Justin: Actually you know what, that's right. Money.
Ali: Well, women, money.
Justin: Money and the silly hoes, the bitches and the hoes!
Justin: Word up.
IMWT: So does that mean that you make music primarily for money?
Justin: HELLS YEAH!!
Ben: Well, if we made music for money, we would have money. But we don't have money, so I guess we failed in our quest for money.
Justin: Nah man. Here's the story...here's the story about the shit!!
Ali: Tell them the story, yo!
Justin: There are, there are... brother, there are people in the band that have been playing, I'm not gonna mention names, playing there fuckin' instruments since they were 11 and 10 years old. Now if that was the case, money would not be the issue. It would be the love for the god-lovin, self, Jesus, love of music!! (claps, raises arms)
(random hallelujah's, praise the lord's, ruckus ensued)
IMWT: So what makes you guys so gosh darn cool?
Justin: Cause we are all hung like horses!
Punk Rock Dave: It's the hair.
IMWT: Is it the hair?
Ben: Actually, it's the fact that we aren't cool, so we try and fake like we are cool. And you know we trick a couple people, but those are the people that just really aren't cool either.
Justin: We're really not cool which is what's funny. It's that we're really a bunch of..uhhhh...
Ben: We have a bunch of dorks trying to be cool.
IMWT: So now that your on Columbia, do you enjoy not having to have 'real' jobs? Or is this a real job?
Justin: Lemme tell you a little secret.
Ben: After we get dropped we go back to McDonald's.
Justin: We'll be at McDonald's in 6 months is my guess.
Ali: I'll say 4 and a half.
Justin: I wanna tell you a little somethin' somethin' about people thinking they get to quit their day jobs and then do this. You get a lot more sleep doin' the other thing. And you get...
Punk Rock Dave: (butts in) You get free stickers is what you get!
Justin: DAVE!! Isn't it great that Punk Rock Dave is NOT in the band!?
Punk Rock Dave: PUNK ROCK DAVE RULES!! And I will talk the shit like I am!
Ali: What we're you saying bro??
Justin: Aight, you ready??
Ali: I'm ready.
Justin: You get a real job, you get a lot more sleep. You understand that? You get to shit in a regular toilet, okay? You get to sleep in the same bed. And you get to see your family...mmmm... more than once every 6 months. So let me tell you something about work. This is a motherfuckin', crazy-ass, slave drivin', mother goddamn son of a bitch job!! We haven't slept in two goddamn days and we got five shows in one day!! But then again I don't want everybody to think I am a negative person though, that's the bad side, the good side is...man you get lots of drugs and pussy!!! Uhhhh...I'm just kidding, and I've got a girlfriend I don't do that. Now the good side. You don't have to work, it's like, you know, your playing music... it's not really a job. And you get to be with five of your best friends that you love and cherish, and hope to become family with everyday.
Ben: I personally don't like it, I don't know what this guy is talking about.
IMWT: Let's hear about shitting on the road!!
Gregg: Shitting on the road sucks!
Justin: You know what's funny, Ali doesn't like to admit this, but he was a jizzmopper in one of the local porn shops. You know, those wack booths?? I got him the job.
Ali: Excuse me, it was semen reproduction engineer.
Justin: Yo, get this though. I got Ali the job and then he took over. The guy said 'He mops up jizz so much better than you do, you're fired.' And since then I've had a little bit of jealousy.
Ali: I came up with this revolutionary new vacuum design on the mop. So you don't really have to mop. You know, it was a lot faster. Justin got really jealous and he tried to sabotage me one night. (at Justin)Why don't you tell them about that night you tried to sabotage me at the porno mart??
Justin: One time I tried to sabotage him at the porno store, and this fuckin' elephant jumps out from the side of the uhhhhh porno, picks it up, throws it at my face, I duck I run and get a cheeseburger... Ali's right there to kick his ass.
Ali: But see the thing was I slid under him because of the trampoline, remember the trampoline?
Justin: So he's on the trampoline. This black widow spider jumps out and forgets to uhhhh wash his underwear.
Ali: Yeah, but I watched that Jackie Chan movie. So I went like(tries to be Jackie Chan)like that see. Then Chris Tucker came out, cause he was like chillin' you know.
Justin: So he does this double back flip. Then all of a sudden a penis fell off.
IMWT: Did you find it?
Ali: Well they wrote a song about it. Remember that 'Detachable Penis' song?
Justin: You hear that?! I wrote it... yeah, I sold it to the guy....
Punk Rock Dave: And it goes.. 'You know you are my favorite hooker...'
Justin: Punk Rock Dave!!
IMWT: And then there's Punk Rock Dave.
Ali: There is always Punk Rock Dave.
Justin: Punk Rock Dave just shows up out of nowhere drunk and does this at our interviews. But that's alright.
IMWT: So are there big plans in Zebrahead's future?
IMWT: Such as...
Ali: We get to go home for two weeks!
Justin: We get a week off, I'm going to Vegas!
Everybody: VEGAS BABY!!
IMWT: So what's up with this whole Y2K thing?
Justin: We're all gonna die. The end of the millennium, we're all going to die!
Ali: Take all of your money out the bank and put it under your pillow.
Justin: I got it all under my mattress...25 dollars!
Ali: Then send it to us!!
Justin: But we are all gonna die.
IMWT: But I'm still curious about Punk Rock Dave. Do you play an instrument Punk Rock Dave?
Punk Rock Dave: I do.
IMWT: Would it be the skin flute?
Punk Rock Dave: I have mastered skin flute and moved on to other things.
IMWT: And those are?
Punk Rock Dave: Uhhh you know. Wheels of steel and or the axe.
IMWT: The Axe!
Punk Rock Dave: But more importantly are the wheels of steel.
Justin: Which means that he is a lumberjack.
IMWT: So back to this whole porn thing, are you guys big fans of porn?
Justin: What's porn?
Ali: Ohhh "Porno" (pronounced pawno)!!
Justin: Ohh that stuffs demeaning to women, and will have nothing to do with things that are demeaning to women! Wait a sec, do you own our record?
IMWT: Of course!
Justin: Well, right before 'Fly Daze' you know who's on there right?
IMWT: Ron Jeremy?
Justin: You know who that guy is? Lemme tell you a little secret though, this is the new secret. In his latest video, thank you very much, he is humping, doing his job.. well actually working, with a Zebrahead t-shirt on. Find it... own it... and watch it, please. I am not lying! Also I think we got three movies out. Go buy the soundtrack.. we got uhh 'Idle Hands' coming. We got 'Clubland' coming. So you need to go check out those movies and don't forget the Ron Jeremy porno.
IMWT: So any final words?
Justin: We only fuck sheep.