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June 14, 2024

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Smorgasbord (Malkin Records)

By: Alex Steininger

Unilever is the musical side of "MTV Real World's East-London BAD BOY 'Neil.'" His special blend of funk, hip-hop, pop, heavy metal, and straight ahead rock is nothing to kill over. Everything is bland, repetitive, and messy. The lyrics try too hard to be "poetic" but fall hard in that category. Lines like "we're straight outta Dalston/you know it ain't right/We're over educated/we're skinny and white," "I like boy-men/I like the way they feel," and "I am a parasite/I enter through your anus/I leave through your skull" are nothing more than attempts at deep fulfilling lyrics that fall flat on their faces. The vocals aren't even that great. There is nothing on this disc that will stun you and knock you on your ass. They even butcher songs like "Justify My Love" by Madonna.

I went into this album very excited. It was recorded and marketed trans-atlanticly. Due to the fact Neil was in London, he and others used creativeness to use the web to do the basic recording and design work. But when I popped it in and listened to it, I was not even phased one bit. I tried hard to get into it, but the recording quality, and the fact the vocals are often hidden behind the music was just dreaded. Maybe this was a test album, and after some live shows and more time to mature Neil and Unilever will put out something decent, but this time around they fell short. I can't give this CD higher than a D+.

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