Gary Pig Gold Takes You On A Day In The Life... On The Road Again
By: Gary "Pig" Gold
It's an often scarcely guarded secret that whilst not scribbling his wares all across the world wild web, Gary Pig Gold can often be found actually "working nights," as it were, serenading the twilit denizens within some of North America's most a-happenin' lounges and watering holes.
It's a dirty job, I know, but SOMEBODY'S gotta.... well, you know.
He pauses now, briefly between engagements, laptop in lap and gaze fixed towards the nearest off-ramp, to reflect upon a life spent somewhere between Ohio and Oblivion.
Warning, Kids: DON'T Try This At Home!
9:30 AM - Awaken after three-and-a-half hours "sleep" to shower, pack, breakfast (M&M's Peanuts), and bus to meet band van by 11 AM at pre-arranged rendezvous spot.
1:30 PM - Band van arrives at pre-arranged rendezvous spot. Drive to show.
3:00 PM - Make first wrong turn (should've turned LEFT at flag-pole).
5:15 PM - Lost.
5:45 PM - Still lost.
6:30 PM - Lost... in the dark!
7:15 PM - Arrive at club a mere two-and-a-half hours late. Throw equipment on stage... no time for a sound-check because club is already filled with (angry) diners.
7:45 PM - Leave club to find motel.
8:10 PM - Lost.
8:30 PM - STILL lost.
9:10 PM - Return to club, unpacked, unshowered, unfed and unrested, having run out of time to find motel.
9:30 PM - Band onstage, while lighting equipment is still being erected.
9:31 PM - Very angry diners already complaining band is too loud.
12:45 AM - Band off stage. Lighting equipment almost erected.
12:46 AM - Try to find club-owner in order to get paid.
1:30 AM - Still trying to find club-owner.
2:10 AM - Dish-washer tells us club-owner left at 12:30 AM.
2:11 AM - Phone band manager (collect) to instigate another lawsuit.
2:15 AM - Still can't find motel, but no money to pay for one anyways. Look for an open restaurant instead.
2:50 AM - Still can't find an open restaurant.
3:10 AM - Dinner (M&M's Peanuts) at 7-11.
3:30 AM - Drive home.
4:20 AM - Should've turned RIGHT at flag-pole.
5:10 AM - Even more lost than before.
8:20 AM - Arrive home a mere three-and-a-half hours late.
9:30 AM - Awaken after three-and-a-half minutes "sleep" to shower, re-pack, breakfast (leftover M&M's Peanuts), and bus to meet band van by 11 AM at pre-arranged rendezvous spot.
2:45 PM - Band van arrives at pre-arranged rendezvous spot. Drive to next show...