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October 23, 2017


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EIGHT QUESTIONS for Nardwuar (The Human Serviette)
By: Gary Pig Gold

Part toque-headed, pogo-infected pop-star, part Magilla Gorilla journalist (his, um, "encounters" with everyone from a petulant Sonic Youth to a bemused Mikhail Gorbachev have made him a practical legend in his home and native land up north), The Man they call Nardwuar took time out from fronting not one, but two bands on their latest North American swing [check out The Evaporators and Thee Goblins' cool new split CD/LP release "I Gotta Rash" on Mint/Nardwuar Records] to answer the following probing inquiries for IMWT:

1. "Munsters" or "Addams Family": Which one's for you, and Why?
Well, "Munsters" of course, since Yvonne De Carlo (Lily!) was born in my hometown of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. By the way, since we're speaking of births, why not mention death? Errol Flynn died in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. 1959, to be exact. With his 16-year-old lover. Like you care.

2. Who in the world, living or dead, would you most like to play a game of "Twister" with?
I don't know yet. My dad once met John Denver on an airplane ride. Does that count?

3. How many Sid King & The Five Strings records do you own?
Gary, I don't know who Sid King & The Five Strings are! Please, oh please tell me, Nardwuar the Human Serviette, who Sid King & The Five Strings are! [well, Nardwuar, simply check out my piece on ?em in Visible Ink Press' "Music Hound, Country: The Essential Album Guide" book, OK? And/or contact the very good folk at Norton Records. ]

4. Got any good Brian Wilson stories?
No, Gary. Please inform us, again.
Yeah, tell us about Brian Wilson's RAP album! I know he did a good rap album.
[ NO comment! ]

5. "Ginger" or "Mary-Ann": Which one's for you, and for How Long?
Mary-Ann, cuz she appears in a video by the band Squirtgun for the song, called strangely enough, "Mary-Ann". Squirtgun features a guy called Mass, who also played in a band called The Potatomen with a guy called Larry Livermore who saw the Sex Pistols at Winterland and The Syndicate Of Sound kick it out in Detroit!
Interestingly enough, I once interviewed Gilligan. Check the interview out on my website at: Thee Official Nardwuar the Human Serviette We...

6. What single song, living or dead, do you most wish you'd written? and Why Didn't You?
"Different Strokes" or "Facts Of Life". That would make me Alan Thicke, a fellow Canadian, and someone my friends in the band The Smugglers have written about. In fact, here are some of the lyrics to "Alan Thicke" by The Smugglers:

"Holy shit, is there no justice in the world that made you the king of this TV dream?
Oh, the Nielsens can just go fuck themselves:
You're Canadian, you can work up here.
Well I don't give a shit about that bitch Joanna Kerns:
She's got nothing; you carried the show.
We'll give you your own show on the CBC [Canadian Broadcasting Corporation]
And we'll watch you every Tuesday night
From Tofino to P.E.I. [ an obscure Canadian town and an obscure Canadian province ]
We love you, Alan Thicke
We love you, Alan Thicke"

7. Who's Farfisa organ would you most like to be reincarnated as? The Farfisa for the Five Canadians, a 1960's group from? Texas. Yes, the Five Canadians were from Texas.
Huh?
They took the name because their manager believed (read carefully) "a band that people THOUGHT were from Canada would get more airplay". Genius.
Check out the full Five Canadians story as detailed in the magazine Brown Paper Sack: $6 (Canadian?) ppd from PO Box 1622, Houston, Texas 77251-1622.

8. In 2000 words or less, Your Hopes, Aspirations and Goals, musical and otherwise, for your life and your country?
I just want everyone to smile, and I love cheese.

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